We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper.  Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away..  Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.  They speak in whispers all the time!  If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face!  What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am.  I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection………Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days!  You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.  Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?  Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse.  Do they think I actually “believe” the number I see on that dial?  HA!  I would never let myself weigh that much!  Just who do these people think they’re fooling?

I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on—but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am using a larger font size, because something has caused my computer’s fonts to be smaller than they once were

Thanks Skyline!

This was featured on our diabetic site, no name or author.

It only takes a moment

To reach out to be a friend

But to one who needs you—

The memory never ends.

A simple act of kindness

To a person you don’t know

May plant a seed of friendship

That for them will always grow.

We sometimes lose perspective

Of the difference we can make,

When we care more of our giving

And care less of what we take.

So remember that your actions

May help change a life someday.

Always think about the person

That you meet along your way.

For it only takes a moment

To reach out to be a friend,

But to the one who needs you—

The memory never ends.

Another gem shared with us fom Pam

1.  Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
2.  A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
3.  Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
4.  Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
5.  Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
6.  A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
7.  A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
8.  Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
9.  Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
10.  Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
11.  Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
12.  When two egoists meet, it’s an I for an I.
13.  A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
14.  Definition of a will: A dead give away.
15.  Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
16.  In democracy your vote counts.  In feudalism your count votes.
17.  She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
18.  A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19.  If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
20.  With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
21.  When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
22.  The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
23.  You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
24.  Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
25.  Every calendar’s days are numbered.
26.  A lot of money is tainted – It taint yours and it taint mine.
27.  A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
28.  A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
29.  Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
30.  Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.
31.  Bakers share bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
32.  Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
33.  Acupuncture is a jab well done.

          …and the beat goes on!
Thanks Pam for sharing!

Found via e-mail from Pam and I need this right now!

Back to Grand Rapids yesterday, 260+ miles and five hours later we had a peck of nectarines.  All we have this afternoon are these three left but our counter is full again.  four 1/2 pints of no sugar, seven low sugar, and 15 regular nectarine jams to go to the food room.  It took about three and a quarter hours to finish the job!  We are gettin’ good!

Update 8/24/05

Yesterday we accomplished one more canning goal.  24 pints of tomatos.  Only plum jam to go and the orchard said September 10th for them.

A little house with three bedrooms and one car on the street,
A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.

In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone,
And no need for recording things, someone was always home.

We only had a living room where we would congregate,
Unless it was at mealtime in the kitchen where we ate.

We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine,
When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.

We only had one TV set, and channels maybe two,
But always there was one of them with something worth the view.

For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip,
And if you wanted flavor there was Lipton’s onion dip.

Store-bought snacks were rare because my mother liked to cook,
And nothing can compare to snacks in Betty Crocker’s book.

Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play,
We all did things together—even go to church to pray.

When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather,
No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.

Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own,
But we knew where the others were without our own cell phone.

Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star,
And nothing can compare to watching movies in your car.

Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season,
Pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.

Get a baseball game together with all the friends you know,
Have real action playing ball—and no game video.

Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,
And didn’t need insurance or a lawyer to defend?

The way that he took care of you or what he had to do,
Because he took an oath and strived to do the best for
you.

Remember going to the store and shopping casually, And
when you went to pay for it you used your own money?

Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,
Remember when the cashier person had to really count?

The milkman used to go from door to door,
And it was just a few cents more than going to the store.

There was a time when mailed letters came right to your door,
Without a lot of junk mail ads sent out by every store.

The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it was sent;
There were not loads of mail addressed to “present occupant.”

There was a time when just one glance was all that it would take,
And you would know the kind of car, the model and the make.

They didn’t look like turtles trying to squeeze out every mile;
They were streamlined, white walls, fins, and really had some style.

One time the music that you played whenever you would jive,
Was from a vinyl, big-holed record called a forty-five.

The record player had a post to keep them all in line,
And then the records would drop down and play one at a time.

Oh sure, we had our problems then, just like we do today,
And always we were striving, trying for a better way.

Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun,
How can you explain a game, just kick the can and run?

And why would boys put baseball cards between bicycle spokes,
And for a nickel red machines had little bottled Cokes?

This life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways,
I love the new technology but I sure miss those days.

So time moves on and so do we, and nothing stays the same,
But I sure love to reminisce and walk down memory lane.

Much credit to the person who put this together, whoever it was.

Thanks to Pam and Sally for sharing.
Also to Wes for use of the picture of his house!

Just finished mopping the kitchen floor. Anyone who cans knows what I mean. Man it was like walking on bubble wrap when you crossed the floor. It got so bad that everything we said was prefixed with ‘if you can unstick from your work spot—would you come and help’…

This was our project which started with Melba Peach Jam on Monday evening and ended with Cinnamon Peaches last night. What a joy to take a peach in your hand and just rub the skin off after the hot water/ ice water treatment. So ripe that there was no need to peel them!

The fruits of our labor snicker—snicker! are as follows:
Peach Melba Jam—six 1/2 pints of no added sugar and ten 1/2 pints of regualar.
Peach Jam—seven 1/2 pints of no sugar added and 18 1/2 pints of regular.
Cinnamon Peaches 28 pints (very light syrup).

I think left is nectarine jam, plum jam, and no salt tomatos to be canned.  I have to get down to the food room for a picture when we are all done!

A few key thoughts for 2005:

12. Life is sexually transmitted.

11. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

10. Men have two states: Hungry and Horny.  If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich!

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet, and they won’t bother you for weeks.

8 . Some people are like Slinkies……not really good for anything, so you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

7. Health nuts are going to feel pretty damn stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

6. Whenever I feel blue… I start breathing again.

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, but a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

3. In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.  I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005:  May you always have Love to Share, Health to Spare, Friends who Care!

Thank you Pam and Sally!

1: If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

2:  Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices, & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

3:  The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

4:  Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.

5:  A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?

6:  If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

7:  If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

8:  If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

9:  Money talks. Chocolate sings.

10:  Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

11: Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
    A. Because no one wants to quit.

12:  If not for chocolate, there would be no needfor control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

13:  Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one things done.

14:  And my favorite: Before consuming any chocolate, first break it into pieces. The process of breaking allows the calories to leak out!

Thoughts for the Day

“I’m am NOT totally useless; I could be used as a Bad Example!”

“Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet!”

Can’t remember who to thank but thank you for sharing anyway!!!!

WARNING This is a laugh out loud from friend Pam so do not drink anything while reading!!!!

- I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out
what I’m doing.

- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

- I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

- The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

- Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

- My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now
she’s 97 years old and we don’t know where on earth she is.

- The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear
heavy breathing again.

- I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost
a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

- And last but not least: I don’t exercise because it makes the ice jump
right out of my glass.