Thursday, September 09, 2004
A Thought
I read a quote today by Jacob Braude, writer, that brought a few memories to mind. He said, “Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have of trying to get others to change.”
Relationships with friends, with family, in business, and in marriage are often entered into under less than perfect circumstances. We analyze the conditions or person that cause concern and then dismiss them with the thought that we can change the situation for the better. When we fail to do so we wonder where we went wrong and why can’t this person see that we are only trying to help them? We see ourselves as saviors, but others see us as meddlers and controllers trying to interrupt their lives.
So we stew, worry, and try to find a way to change what we feel is wrong. What we should be doing is looking to see if what we need to change is ourselves or them, analyzing if we should change, and how difficult would it be to change. In doing that we discover that maybe we don’t have to change, that it wouldn’t help us to do so, and we lift a burden from ourselves that we should not have carried in the first place.
We need to love and support each individual as an individual and not try to carve them into something we think is correct because what makes them unique is the fact that they are different.
In personal relationships if the situation is unbearable then don’t involve yourself too deep in it. If you are in too deep, start crawling out. It will take time and courage, but in the long run your happiness and sanity will improve. In business you have to look for something else and then walk away.
We all fear starting over, but some of us have experienced it several times and survived to live a more satisfying life.
From My Past!
In the early 80s I worked at the Michigan Bell Telephone Company for a very wise, very sharing, lady. I was First Line management when she was in charge of the office in which I worked. She also was in charge of the training of myself and my peers, who, in turn, were responsible for training the people who observed the performance of operators and equipment for the company.
When I first met Bernice Ford she was my first woman of color as my manager. I thought, ‘Here is a taskmaster, someone who has worked very hard to get to where she is and is probably somewhat difficult to please.’ I was wrong about her. She took each of us and worked with our weaknesses, pointed out our strong points, and developed us into the leaders we needed to be.
Over the years we have both retired, but have kept in touch with phone calls, Christmas cards, and now by e-mail. A couple of months ago Jay and I sent a package of homemade jams to her. Jay had also worked with her during his career inside the telephone company.
So today in the mail came a package with a beautiful candle in it from Bernice as a thank you for the jam we sent. No other manager in my 29 year career at Michigan Bell and later for 12 years with the Oakland Press ever has made such an impression on me. No other manager has bothered to stay in touch with me.
I am blessed to have Bernice in my past and still in touch today!