Thursday, May 12, 2005
How Many?
How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?”
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid
burned out bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up
to code.
Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler: Make me.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from
the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one
more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of
the situation.
Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the
walls and furniture.
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light
bulb!
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the
dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....
Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little
circle…
Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By
the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
“Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real
question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some
dinner, and a massage?”
All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have
staff.
What is a Cat?
Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They’re totally
unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you
want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their
every
whim. They’re moody. They leave hair everywhere.
Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.
*****
What is a Dog?
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture
in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away,
but don’t hear you when you’re in the next room. They can look dumb and
lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you
want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to
play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with
their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. They go right for your
crotch as soon as they meet you.
Conclusion: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.
Another item from my friend in N.Y. Thanks again Dar!
