Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Things to ponder
·I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
·Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
·The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
·Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
·There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
·Life is sexually transmitted.
·Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
·The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
·Some people are like “Slinkies”. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
·Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
·Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
·All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
·In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
·Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
·How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
·Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
·Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”
·If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
·Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
·Why does Goofy stand upright while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
·If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy a bird dinner?
·If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
·If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
·If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
·Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
(Stop singing and read on.........)
·Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
·Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
·Does pushing the elevator button more than once really make it arrive faster?
·Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
·Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address in the first place?
An E-mail too cute to ignore so I had to share! Thanks Skyline!
Remember The Small Things
Remember the small things that color your life,
A rainbow, a flower, a star, or a kite.
These are the things that will follow your days,
Even as others disappear in a haze.
The laughter of your children will still ring so clear,
Even when music no longer you hear.
Everyone ages, that fact is quite clear,
Age can be cruel, age can bring fear.
But while others are stressing, over each ache or pain,
You’ll be remembering the sweet smell of rain.
As you grow old, you remember much less
Of what’s most important, that’s the price of success.
But if you can put your success on a shelf,
And still roll in the grass, still be good to yourself,
Then aging will never bring physical pain,
And life will not steal what’s left of your brain.
Thank you Pam and Sally for sharing!
My Humor Style!
| the Cutting Edge |
| CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your humor’s mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there’s something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren’t in and of themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi |
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating |