Saturday, November 26, 2005
Subject: Senior Humor
Some oldies but goodies. Thanks for sharing Skyline.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And what do you think is the
best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No
peer pressure.”
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband ?” “98,” she replied.
“Two years older than me.” “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented. She
responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?
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I’ve sure gotten old.! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if
I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my
driver’s license.
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A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I want my
sex dr ive lowered.” “Sir,” replied the doctor, “you’re 97 Don’t you think
your sex drive is all in your head?” “You’re darned right it is!” replied
the old man. “That’s why I want it lowered!”
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher
exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week.”
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My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp
as it used to be.
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It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast
relief.”
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I’ve tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they
haven’t made one called “Buns of Putty.”
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Don’t think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child
playing with matches.
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Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.!
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Remember: You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.
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THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
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Now, I think you’re supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh heck,
send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.
I’m Purple!
At least that’s what the quiz says!
|
Your Blog Should Be Purple |
 You’re an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you’re the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say. |