Monday, January 30, 2006
Anne’s Birthday!
Even though we had an early cake and ice cream day for you. We still want to wish you, daughter-in-law. on your day, Happy Birthday Anne Jenkins!
May the coming years bring good health, comfort and happiness!
Please visit Anne at Anne’s Id & Ego
Send her your good wishes also!
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN
WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Jan. 31, 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You’re Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for
the best chuckle of their day
Thanks to Pam this important bit of information can be shared with all concerned.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Love Seeing You!
A visit yesterday from Wes, Deb and Jazz. It was a catch up on things, do you need anything done, and bring the clown things home. The clowning things have been in Deb’s front room since December 6, 2005. She is getting tired of tripping over them. Sadly to say she will still be tripping because they left them home yesterday.
Jay called the visit a sanity check. You know --is the house in order, are we all in one piece, do we look like we are eating well, and are our brains still working? (Not to belittle the visit because I know they mean only the best and I do love seeing them.)
So of course I have to add to their concern by telling them a little story as follows:
Friday Jay and I were out shopping and on the way home we needed to stop at the grocery store. We decided on hot dogs and mac and cheese for lunch Saturday seeing the grandkids were coming too. It had been quite a long time away from home and when I parked at the grocery store Jay jumped out and said he’d be right back. I thought that maybe he had to use the rest room and that was why he hurried off. Not being familiar with this particular store I went in and found a stock person to ask for the locations of the items I needed. The mac & cheese was in aisle 4 and the hot dog buns in aisle 12 on the other side of the store. So first to 4 and then over to 12. When I arrived at aisle 12 I saw lots of bread. Bread--I don’t need bread! A slap to the forehead and a DUH! Hot dog buns dummy! I paid for my purchases and started out to the truck. I could see Jay standing, head down, leaning against the truck. Oh shit I had my keys in my pocket and his keys in my hand. He had started the truck at the last store while waiting for me and when I got out I naturally took the keys in the ignition with me.
I was greeted with “ Where have you been?”
I replied, “getting the buns and mac.& cheese”.
“ I got buns,” he said.
“ So did I”, I replied. “ I thought you were going to the rest room”..
We ended up with two packages of buns for lunch and two for the freezer.
(You should have seen the faces--that Oh my God look! Just kinda made me smile!)
Then to make the visit more interesting I had to tell them about a few days ago when the garbage can sitting on one side of the driveway. I had swung wide to miss it while turning in. I put the left front tire off the edge of the drive and the running board snagged the culvert. We worked together and got the truck back on the driveway but the running board was loose. (More wide eyed looks of concern so I couldn’t stop there.)
I then told them about driving up to Ramsey’s Body shop In Millington to have the running board reattached securely. I got out of the truck, stepped down on the ice and started to fall. So I grabbed the door arm rest to catch myself and accidentally locked the doors. Of course I had left the keys in the ignition so they could move the truck into the garage. I slammed thedoorrelieved that I hadn’t fallen and went inside. A few minutes later someone came in to ask for the keys to move my truck. I felt like a mental retard and looked to him like the biggest dits that had ever drew a breath.
I refuse to think what my children thought of me. But I did feel I had given them enough ammunition for more visits with shorter intervals. Sure do love seeing you guys!!!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Got A Name
Hey we got a name! Yep Jay’s Unknown blog is now called Jay’s Jammin’.
Next comes the job of prettying it up which I dumped on SEB.
Speaking of names --Do you know what “bagglers” are?
Well according to the sack that the cheeseburgers from Burger King came in is as follows:
Amazing what you find when you have a coupon for buy one get one free and take time to read the bag!
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
A Gal’s Gotta Do!
Keeping track of my servants is usually quite easy. I can lay at the end of the hall watching Dad on the computer and Mom on the sofa crocheting.
Sometimes I go up to the loft, lay with my head tucked under the railing and I can see the whole room. But yesterday was different. Both Mom and Dad were busy and nobody wanted to play so I felt some drastic action was needed.
Get Dad’s attention was my plan--but how?
Yeah this gets him every time! He is calling Mom to get the camera! The old crawl into the computer desk shelf works when a gal needs attention. Wonder why Mom don’t try it?
Speaking of Mom this is her project now.
You should have heard the language two nights ago when she dropped some stitches, had to pull the whole thing out, and start over again. I think Mom was a sailor in a former life because a lady wouldn’t use those words. She turned my ears from black to red I’ll tell you!
Any way it is done now except for the fringe.
Sure hope the recipient likes it ‘cause it sure cost me some play time with Mom!
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Sucha Mornin’!
Got up this mornin’ lotsa things to do.
Pull on my slippers and old bathrobe too.
Out to the kitchen flip the switch for the pot.
Hearing the bubble, smelling coffee it’s hot.
Off to the cat dish change the food and water.
Go brush my teeth and take all the pills that I aughta.
Back to the kitchen grab a cup and a spoon.
Gotta have my coffee real soon.
Wait what is this a tragedy has transpired
My poor old Mr Coffee has just expired.
He sputtered and only spit out a cup and a half
Not enough in the pot for the day to last.
Alas I will die if I don’t go in search
Of a replacement my minds in a lurch.
So out to the truck purse in my hand.
Look for a pot don’t know where I’ll land.
Finally I found it my new little pot.
It ain’t Mr. Coffee but it’s all they got.
Little it is it just makes five cups
But it enough in the morning to start me up.
Nothing says I can’t make more pots than one.
I’ll see if I get through lunch before it’s done.
So this is the end of my tale of woe.
Goodbye Mr. Coffee sad to see you go!.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Sensible Observations!
In the belief that laughter is the best medicine I humbly submit this missive shared with me by Pam.
Sensible Observations
1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
--Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children."----Author Unknown
3) “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so?
There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” --Drew Carey
4) “The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” --JeffFoxworthy
5) “If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.” --Dave Barry
6) “Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you twoweeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they
should have to find you a temp.” --Bob Ettinger
7) “My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’” --Paula Poundstone
8) “A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh."--Conan O’Brien
9) “Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner.”
--Lynda Montgomery
10) “I think that’s how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.’” --Richard Jeni
11) “If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” --Johnny Carson
12) “Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.” --Paul Rodriguez
13) “My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.” --Jerry Seinfeld
14) “Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?” --WarrenHutcherson
15) “Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.” --Oscar Wilde
16) “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself.” --Mark Twain
17) “Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan.” --A. Whitney Brown
18) “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’” --Dave Barry
19) Do you know why they call it “PMS”? Because “Mad Cow Disease” was taken. --Unknown, presumed deceased
20) “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” - W. C. Fields
21) “Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself—Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.” Lillian Carter, Mother of Jimmy Carter
Sunday, January 22, 2006
The Tech Visit!
A visit from my favorite tech today resulted in my new printer being installed. Also the upstairs computer is up and running again. He answered a few more questions for me and checked out an e-mail problem for me. He also set up a blog it area on Jay’s blog so soon you will be able to read some of Jay’s favorite English gardening blogs.
Life is sweet when your tech is your son. Thank you Les for driving out and spending your precious Sunday working.
One Flaw In Women
To those wonderful ladies out there…
I wanted to share this with all of you - it says it all.
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don’t take “no” for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
Please pass this along to all your women friends and relatives to remind them just
how amazing they are.
Thanks Skyline!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Winter Of Life
A moment to stop and wish my mom a Happy Birthday. Gertrude Graves was born on January 21, 1916. She died on March 24, 1992. We were very close for a number of years. I use to love doing dishes with her, hands in soapy, warm water, looking out the kitchen window, and singing our hearts out. She taught me to harmonize even though neither of us could read a note of music. As with all mothers and daughters we had our disagreements but we always managed to get over it.
So in the winter of my life I take time to remember my mom’s winter too.